Officially fallen.

If you happen to notice, my blog has been quite dead lately with no or less updates compared to those days when I first started blogging. You don't have to ask why because firstly, its too simple! The blogger is getting lazy, full stop. Second, the blogger will not be able to give you a satisfying answer as she herself is too, wondering why is she leaving her blog like this.

I'm in a really miserable mood recently. Not that anything bothers me, nothing does actually, but there's a feeling of hoping to be left alone whenever I'm home or even sometimes in school. Now when I go online, I prefer to appear as offline as I want nobody to disturb or mess around with me. Not that I hate to social but I'm just simply not in the mood for it. It feels so frustrating whenever some bloody annoying windows pop out on the toolbar, and I tend to ignore them no matter what or who they are.

Nowadays I'm lack of mood and the 'push' to do anything, almost everything including school, study, games, blog and stuff like that bore me to death. There's nothing I could do to cheer myself up even just a lil bit. Everything seems so boring and life has been really dull these days. I know it shouldn't be this way, I know I should be enjoying my life as a teenager. Yes I know very well and I really want to, but somehow I failed.

I always knew that I'm one who will never hestitate to treat someone or something with no mercy whenever I feel it is not right. It is called self- centred I guess? Well, yeah I do admit that sometimes I am. When it comes to certain matters, I really am. I care nothing about the rest but only myself and my own desire. But afterall it only happens once in a blue moon, as most of the time I tolerate ALOT with people and matters around me.

No I'm not ashamed, nor I am thick- skinned to say it out. I had been really really patient with people around me all the while that people tend to think I'm so soft and bla bla bla. Well the fact is, I wasn't really that soft actually, its all about the patience and the tolerance I've trained myself to practise. Because I know, there's no point to argue over some small matters. Why waste energy?

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Its no longer a prediction, its now a fact, a solid- hard fact that can not be debated. Something has gone out of the frame, beyond the boundary. I do know I stand a mini-tiny-almost-zero chance but it couldn't be resisted. I had fallen but I did not regret for it, I'm not regret for it, and I won't be. It will always be a secret until the day it should be revealed comes. Orelse, it should be kept forever.

I feel a tinge of jealousy, telling me its not just an imagination.
And I'm surprised it actually hurts so much.

And as for you, I'm really sorry for the way things are going lately. I seriously don't know what the hell is wrong but everything seems so different that there's nothing left unchanged from the past. I feel so drifted away but there's nothing I could do. I did try to fix and send it back on track again but sadly, it didn't seem to work. You might not even bother anyway, even I wonder whether I really care or not but still, I'll try hard to not let it be this way.

Because there might not be anything left in the end.
Not even a single piece of memory.


IMYMAM.