Middle of the night.

Good morning everyone.

Stop rubbing your eyes, they are fine. It is indeed 1am in the morning now and tomorrow I mean today, is a school day. FYI, I'll be getting up and going to school in 5 hours time.

Ever since that idiot digged up my blog, I decided the best time to blog would be now, when everyone's in their own dreamland, it'll my time to be here to spit out all my thoughts, with the companion of the water dripping sound from the aquarium, sacrificing my sleeping time just for this and end up going to school the next day in a zombie state and big, puffy eyes with two incredible eye bags under them.

Am I going insane?
Am I ruinning myself?
Am I pushing myself to the very dark side of life?

I think so.

All things I'm going or have went through recently are, honestly, pretty bad for myself. But unfortunately, I'm too weak to control myself. I'm losing the war. My desire beats my self- control and the plan fails every single time.

How does it feel?
Painful, depressing, guilty, disappointing, regretful, discouraging, exhausting, tiring, killing.
The feeling you get when you want something so badly, but could not be achieved because of your own mistakes, your own hands that destroyed your hopes, your chances, again and again.

I wish to end this. I know it will never do me any good, in fact it kills me, bit by bit, day by day. But everytime when it strikes, I feel so helpless, so useless. I could do nothing but to surrender and follow what it says.

I wish I could turn back the time.

===
Thank god its Friday.
Dammit, co-curriculum activities are never ending and I'm freaking sick of it.

I need some rest.