Sucks.

I wish I am a submarine that I can sink into the ground where nobody would notice me, or a fallen leaf, free to come, free to go and nobody gives a damn.

This random idea somehow found a way to sneak into my mind today. I am not emo, mood swing is a better term to describe it I guess.

A serious one.

I do look and sound normal in school, but nobody knows what's running in my head. I've been very impatient these days (its pretty obvious I think) , I get irritated and annoyed easily, I couldn't bear with noise, I'm always frustrated even with tiny matters, I frowned a lot, I cursed when I saw bitches bitching, I walked like a zombie, I've lost my interest in almost everything, I don't feel like doing anything but to stay far away from the crowd and bind myself into the wall.

In short, I feel like isolating myself from the world.


I wonder what made me so miserable.

Is it the busy schedule I'm having now? I know I have no right to complain compared to people who fill up their days with tons of tuition classes, but being busy is not my thing. I hated staying back since I was in form 1, and now I have to stay back everyday. So what if I'll be bored at home? I don't care, I just want to go home. School makes me feel empty, though being home doesn't really make a big difference either, I just want be home.

At least I have a room at home and I get to be alone if I want.

Procrastination is another thing, and I believe it is somehow related to the moodswing. My homework is piling up like a mountain but I simply ignored them. Sorry but no, I am not in the mood for it, not in the mood for anything actually. I rather waste time sitting on the chair, staring at the dumb monitor and do nothing than to open my bag and dig out the bores-me-out homework.

Can someone name me something interesting?
I'll appreciate it.

．　．　．

Every incident has its effect. We can't pretend like everything's alright because it DID happen, the scar does exist, and it takes forever to heal. I'm sorry for the way it is but forgive me, I couldn't change a thing. I tried to fix it, I really tried, but it didn't seem to work. In fact, it just got worse.

I'm sorry, but its gonna be this way.